Feeling a bit better...

After going to the funeral, I feel both better and worse at the same time...if that makes any sense at all. The School counselor that was supposed to email me their interview today fell through. They totally said they'd do it, and well didn't. I went on Just ask .com and found a counselor on there to interview last minute. Hopefully, it will work:P I can only do so much.

Brandon is still offshore. I miss my snuggle bunny:P **has a sappy moment** ...I wanna cuddle...and Dexter the cat makes my nose itch when he tries to jump in my face throughout the night (if I let him snuggle in bed):P:P:P

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2 more projects down and one step closer to a Masters!!! :D My aunt tried quizzing me on if I'd consider going back to teaching right now...uh ... no! If I did that I would pretty much be insuring I wouldn't graduate until 2014 or 2015 with how few classes I'd be able to take. I'm thinking of taking 1 class at a time after that and continuing for the PsyD. The only thing is I want to make sure the PsyD would qualify me as a psychologist in Louisiana or if I'd have to get that degree from a different school. Oh well, I'll worry about that later.

Going to bed now, I'll try to wake up in time for meditation tomorrow.

Butterfly -- Amanda

bright little wings
vibrant
green
blue
gold
open and close
open --
-- and close

dance
air treads its way
over
under
around
your wings
open and close
open --
-- and close

alight on a flower
hues of red
pink
green
the sweet smell
last flight

-- and close


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Today a friend of mine passed away...she was only in her early twenties. One thing I will always remember about her, was the way she would randomly cut/dye her hair. She was always trying out anime like hair styles and edgy looks. She was always happy when I saw her. And, always cared most for those she loved & protected them fervently.
Here is the Link to Her Obit.

Aggravation...

Why does ppl have to be all pissy and assholeish when ur trying to be happy and sharing with them??? Why can't they take the spirit of the action instead of wanting perfection.

I'm sick of perfection.

All I want is goodwill.

Why is that so hard?

Concerns...stress...and future goals...

I've been stressing out a lot lately. I have a lot I want to accomplish and very little time to do it in... my brother is autistic, and B & I might one day have to help support him. My parents had me later in life and I will probably have to support them sooner rather than later. I have personal goals and things I would like to be able to do with my life...and b/w putting family into perspective...feel a bit lost in the shuffle.

Our lil 2b/2b home works for now. Hopefully we can pay it down enough over the next 5-6years to be able to rent it out. I know we want to keep it so bro can have his own space if necessary. We also want to buy a bigger place for us after I get done with school. B also may go back for his Bachelor's degree, and I still haven't ruled out a psyd.

Physically, stress makes me gain weight even without eating. So wing chun once a week is essential to maintaining physical health. Meditation has become so important to me. Prayer is good. I enjoy prayer. But, sitting quietly with God and listening. It can be so hard to sit still and listen between emotions/stress/life/work/etc.

I'd like to write a book...but time and laziness combine to sabotage my efforts. Once I graduate, I want to take my parents and bro on a vacay to celebrate...just haven't figured out the logistics of it yet, & I won't mention it until it's practical. Bro still needs to learn to drive in order to help with his independence. Hopefully B can start taking him driving this summer. To top it all off, the autism and a lack of social interaction ability on Bro's part means he doesn't understand that ppl are trying to help him and he treats our parents resentfully.

I also miss B. when he's offshore. It seems we never stop working and actually enjoy a lazy day together anymore. We need a weekend get away pretty soon...I think in a few months I may see about getting away to some place in Louisiana...just not N.O. again...we need to get away the 2 of us & not worry about anything but just chilling. I know I'm ranting. But I definitely needed a cathartic rant. Right now, I feel like I'm trying to do everything with lil back up & no "bones" being thrown my way. Right now I'd take a give me...Hell I don't wanna win the whatever-million dollar powerball...just a lil somethin-somethin :D LOL!